Where reality is not an issue

Are you enjoing my torture?

2011-03-30T22:58:00.001+03:00

What do you want from me? Do you want me to beg for mercy at your feet or do you enjoy seing my blood flood the tilw on the floor? I am cold and scared scars are all over my heart and my wounds are slowly healing...you broke me...compleately....why? You're a drug and a slow death at the same time you blind my senses and poison me with yourself...kill me already or set me free...I can't stand it anymore! What did I do so wrong to live in a world full of shit and hatred? To be tortured like a murderer and to be locked up like a prisoner? Kill me for I am a rabid animal...

Dear Whoever is up there

2011-03-25T20:43:00.001+02:00

Hey,it's me the girl with nothing but herself...I want to ask you something....why? Why me? Why do I have to live with the fact that I never get what I want...I understand that I can't always get what I want...but please this one time grant my dead soul a wish...I wish for once to have what I want...to feel like an important thing in this world not just a piece of trash blown by the wind of life....You know it is strange for people my age to think about death...but I do...I think about the moment I die and my funeral every single day...but of course not even my funeral won't be the way I want it to be because my destiny is upside down...because you exist...I blame you for this

Blinded

2011-03-12T00:52:00.001+02:00

When I saw you I thought here is another guy and gave you no attention but you actually captivated me. You made me think I am someone important not just an ant in a million... You blind my senses make me weak when I am with you I leave my guard down, I am letting you know all my secrets and you don't even have to ask...I am feeling the need to retreat to go back into my cave and stay there for eternity but I can't , you closed all my ways back. I am in a world I don't know and I am blind...can you help me find the way or are you blinded by the darkness that surrounds my soul... I give into you ,I am tottally blinded...but like this I see so much more and I never wish to go back. I want to fly in this world of magic forever to live here till the day I die... To be blinded by you far longer than forever

Need for love?

2011-03-12T00:43:00.001+02:00

Someone looked at me one day and told me how empty and shallow I was I told that person to go away for I do not need advices. Someone told me I am dark and evil and I will never change I told them I do not need to change for I like the way I am . Someone told me I am lonely and I need a mate , a partner that can understand me and feel my pain , someone who can stay by my side no matter what....that person left all by itself leaving me to think about it...does my dark cold heart need love , can it beat again in this chest? Do I need love to live? Or can I just survive?

The place where you can enter but you can never leave

2011-03-12T00:36:00.001+02:00

You are a little human dancing around with joy and happiness in the middle of hell. What are you doing here? Who are you for real? Are you a demon in disguise or an anomaly in the middle of a perfect world? As I get inside your mind I see there is a place where love is blooming and everything is allright...an illusion that captivates me and puts me through incredible agony for I know I may never feel the sun on my skin or feel my heart beat faster for the one I love. I may be alone forever in this place where you can enter but never leave . Then I remember...you got inside...you are here forever and your memories are mine to feast of for I survive out of other people's happiness...I am a predator and you are my prey. Just like a deer in front of the headlights you stop as you see me circling you around, my eyes lusting for the mind you posses for your memory and soul. As i attack you scream in pain and die in a bloody pool...a pool of nothing but ash. Written by Crossberry June

Bloody dark book

2011-02-28T23:15:00.001+02:00

Life is like a book it starts slow and without big events it continues with a little bit of action and then it explodes in a million problems and nightmares but the end it can be 2 ways the end in which you die in peace and the end where you are in a continous hell where fire red demons swarm around you ready to catch you. My book is different though at first is the same slow start but then it started to darken to become bblacker and blacker till it was rotten to the core then it started bleeding slowly bringing herself back to life. But to come to life you need to take another life so it took the part of my life that I needed most my happiness. The book of my life can never be read for it is sealed in bones so no one can ever open it without telling me if they can mend me or not...I am broken please fix me some way I want to live a normal book with cover bindings and white pages not the rotten dark book that is written in blood...Can anyone save me?

Fakeness

2011-02-28T23:05:00.001+02:00

I am what you call a demon...a dark angel that comes and even though it is called evil it tries to make things right... In my crazy twisted life I mended hearts and souls that had been broken and of course everyone said it was an angel, something pure and white that helped them...they don't see that inside me there is a dark soul and a tainted heart, nothing pure or white. The darkness is the thing that makes me powerful and helps me heal...it gives me knowledge and skill. Pure angels are fake they are too innocent and childish to help and too get their hands muddy...or bloody... In life there are fakes that have to die and dissapeare forever for they are the evil that brakes the world into pieces the hate the anger the lust the fear and insanity are all creations of the pure ones. So am I the only one that sees the truth?

Poison.

2010-11-23T23:16:00.000+02:00

I once knew a decent amount of people i could count on, and never did.
That's just the way I am. When I get too close to one human an alarm goes off inside me that yells 'back off'.
And I do. Because I've learned for long enough that my senses are always right.
My hate towards humans always has a reason for existing. And that reason is the sole fact that humans can never be something other than humans.
They cannot see beyond their own selfishness, they cannot see anyone besides themselves.
Because honestly, how many humans do you know that when in misery think of others? None.
Not even one.
I give each and every one a chance at being my friend. And few realize that I do not wish for their misfortune, and I only want them to be beside me and smile when I tell them about my view on everything.
But most after hearing those words get scared, or even worse, they think it's their own view, and take it upon themselves to spout meaningless words that together were supposed to illustrate that one knowledge, but instead is twisted in such way that I almost cannot recognize it.
Almost.
That's when my alarm goes off, and I ignore it, thinking that the effect of my ideas upon you will disappear, but they don't.
Instead they twist and coil around you, around your heart infecting you with poison.
A poison only I can stand.
Because frankly I've never seen a human be able to get past that sick poison and see the truth.
I've never seen one human wake up from the poison induced coma and tell me they know what I mean, but leave that idea alone inside their mind.
I never once saw a human be able to comprehend this idea.
And this is why from now on I will refrain from telling it ever again.
I will refrain from getting too close, from letting you be intoxicated by my poison.
And then you'll continue living your life, and I'll continue living my nightmare.
Because that's what the truth is.
~Post also published on my other blog, because I liked it and now I am too lazy to write a new entry. Also, I have another mindblowing headache.

Fall to your knees

2010-11-22T13:38:00.001+02:00

You scream at me impossible words, you think I am no one, you say I mean nothing to you, just a pebble in a pond. You say you love me, tell me I mean something to you and then you break me telling me i am a stupid annoying person. You confuse me when you give me hell. You know I care for you, even love you, an emotion I never knew I could have. You took care of me took care of me, helped me in my life, told me you'll always stand by me support me through my painful life. Was it all lies, did your promises go into nothing on the way? I know I dissapointed you, made you cry for me, told you ugly things. But you hurt me, made my heart transform into cold stone. You think you still know me but I changed, true I keep the same facade of a pure cute child. Truth is I am adark angel, i heal but with a price, your life, your soul, your beating heart. I destroy you slowly because you made me see, made me realise you're just an illusion in my life, an illusion I love dearly and hold close to my heart. I can't leave you, I can't lose your bleeding heart because then I will be so lonely, so dead inside... I am scared that your love changed into hate. I need you, I am selfish, i don't want you to be happy, I want you to cry for me, it makes me feel strong, that I am overpowering you. I hate that part of me but it makes me imune to everyone, to every stupid word or thought. My power is everything I have, the power you give me when you suffer for me. Written by Crossberry June

Life's joke

2010-11-22T00:20:00.001+02:00

Life is such a bitch, she knows how to play and she always wins. She dares you to play and she hurts you making you cry and she'll make you die. You want to win the game but you lose in shame, you can't beat destiny. You are born with your own faith and she follows you everywhere. You want to change your past but changing it means changing yourself. You don't want to change at all so you lose time thinking about what it could be when you can react and make life as you want it to be. You're just a sore loser. Written by Crossberry June

Blood red lace

2010-11-22T00:14:00.001+02:00

Human, so weak, alone as hell you are so sadistic. Heart beating, soul so pure, you are so pathetic. Love,it will destroy you, it will hurt your heart and will make your soul jet black. Just because a man or a woman was there at the right time and place to destroy all your pure grace. They will leave you and so will their love, leaving you broken, killing your heart and soul. Your minf will scream for you to stop but you want to revive. You can try all you want, you are just a child, what is dead can never be alive... At your own funeral you will transform with demonic grace with your soul made of blood red lace. Written by Crossberry June

Forever black

2010-11-22T00:07:00.001+02:00

At first, pure then turned to black that is how my life goes. Pain and hate filled my heart as trauma came to my life. I see my life passing by, the life I can't stop. I want to make a pause and think alone some time. I want a break from life so do I want to die? We are just puppets hanging from strings of pain and regret. Who is controling us? I lie to myself to keep being alive because i am scared of death. I don't want to give my last breath just yet... My soul burns, my heart aches...I can't help but cry...I cry only on the inside, alone.... I don't want to be pittied nor do I need your mercy I just need a world for me, a world forever black.... Written by Crossberry June

Fight.

2010-11-21T21:16:00.000+02:00

Blinding, soaring, pain coursing through your body as you evolve.
Evolution is never as easy as it seems.
There is the comprehension of pain. And there is you, the human.
Until you choose pain, and ignore the easy way, you will be in pain.
Better safe than sorry.
You can create your immunity to pain through countless pointless evolutions that bring you nothing but infections of your conscious, that bring you more pain.
How you feel is of no importance to me.
But how you are is.
I do not care if you feel like shit, I need you to get up and confront that pain.
I need you alive and breathing.
FIGHT.
Fight the pain, go into override.
Do anything possible to move on, to get up, to start running again.
Because honestly now.
A lifeless shell of what you once were is of no importance to me.

Fake life

2010-11-19T23:21:00.001+02:00

I wonder how they can live such ordinary lifes. They are all smiling and laughing with no care in the world, they don't know life will hit them so hard they won't be able to stand back up. How childish of them to think life is a piece of cake, they don't know that the cake is poisoned. They'll go through life, living a lie, with stupid dreams and fake love. Love....I think of it as a thing for stupid needy people who can't live by themselves. You were born alone, you will die alone. I hate people who live just to complete their loneliness. But what do I know I am not capable of love. What I know for sure that a life full of forced smiles and fake is not a real life, it's not reality, it's just a way to run from who you really are, a nobody, an unimportant figurant in an infinite movie. You will all die alone and unfulfilled because you are to greedy and you don't like what you have until you lose it all. You will blame everybody else for your mistakes but you can't lie, you're a failiure at that too. On your death bed I'll ask you how you liked your shitty ordinary fake life.Written by Crossberry June

Hide.

2010-11-19T21:58:00.000+02:00

Why be such a hypocrite?
Why be such a bastard human when you can be something more dignifying?
Try to cope with me as I go through with this.
I've had enough of you filthy humans who do whatever you want, not caring about how the others around you feel, what they think.
I've had enough of you trying to seem perfect and mysterious by remaining silent when questioned, and not explaining your resolve. Next time there will be hell to pay.
Because honestly, as calm as I can be, I will not be myself the next time.
And as Madness engulfs me I will only smirk as my vision blurs and I am no longer in control.
Because I truly am a monster. I am what I am, and I never once tried to hide it from myself, whereas you are so fake I can see how your movements are irrational, so forced, and your emotions and expressions faked to the core.
But you know better than this.
You know that you can never get through to me with this faulty mask, with this aura of lies and faked emotions.
Your frustrations are so visible it amuses me.
But one thing is for sure.
I've had enough.
I've gotten tired with always trying to get you to accept what you are and be true to yourself.
I will lay low and let you continue lying to yourself and your heart.
The love you feel is just a mere obsession.
The hate I feel is REAL. So real even you can feel it float around me in thick black clouds of rage.
And I will never try to hide it.
But I know you shouldn't as well.
Because you are only human, I will cease to try and educate you into coming to terms with yourself.
Because I am not human, and right now my patience has run out.
I hope you fare well.

You can't make me cry.

2010-11-17T11:05:00.000+02:00

When you surrender to your anger and spill it on me you think I'm scared.
How stupid of you to think that tearing me apart is that easy. You just add to my hate.
My hate for life.
I will get my revenge, I will win and you , like always, will lose in front of me, because your strenght and anger combined cannot compare to my hate.
You will bleed, and when you'll say that you can't breathe I will just laugh and tell you that that is the way I used to feel like.
I can get through the pain, but you being as weak as you are, will die a slow, painful, death.
A cancer no one has learned how to cure yet. The cancer of the soul.
We'll meet sometime in hell, and I will laugh and bring you more pain than you ever felt, because you'll have to sit and just stand me forever, your enemy.
An eternity of pain is what I promise you.
An eternal nightmare

~Written by Crossberry June, typed by Grell. Slight changes were done to the original text.

test

2010-11-10T22:27:00.001+02:00

test yea